What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is seen as a positive trait that increases our chances for success.  However, people who strive for perfection set impossibly high standards for themselves and use outcomes to determine their self-worth.  When they fail to meet these high standards, they have the tendency to beat themselves up and question when their efforts are ever good enough.  Those who strive for perfection experience all or nothing thinking, as well as self-defeating thoughts.  “I’m a failure.  I’m never good enough.  I should have tried harder.  Why bother?”  This can lead to anxiety, depression, anger, resentment, and low self-esteem. Below are some ways to cope with perfectionism:

10 Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism

1. Practice setting more realistic expectations that you can reasonably meet.

2. Practice self-compassion. Try giving yourself the same kindness you would show others.

3. See opportunities for growth. Mistakes are a normal and helpful part of learning.

4. Remind yourself you are worthy because of all the good qualities you possess.

5. Enjoy the journey and trust the process. Try doing things for the experience or the fun of it.

6. Practice being true to yourself instead of doing things only to make others happy.

7. Practice being more assertive about what you want to prevent anger and resentment.

8. Challenge all or nothing thinking. Success comes in different shapes and sizes.

9. Try doing some things imperfectly. This may mean leaving some of the dishes undone or treating yourself to a cookie.

10. Get out of the habit of comparing yourself to others and know your worth.

    Learn more here:

    https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/perfectionism

How to Survive Get Togethers with an Eating Disorder

When it comes to getting together with family and friends, there comes the potential for overwhelming stress and triggers for disordered eating. While navigating these may prove challenging, planning beforehand can help you keep strong emotions and disordered thoughts in check. The following tips can help you feel more prepared in the presence of likely challenges.

Be prepared. During parties and get togethers, there tends to be larger quantities of food present than usual. If you are following a food plan as part of your treatment, plan ahead with your therapist or dietitian to discuss ways to manage triggers should they arise. One trick I use with clients is writing 3 coping strategies on an index card to keep handy during meals and snacks.

Get support. Your loved ones are an invaluable part of your treatment team. If you have a trusted parent, spouse, partner, or friend, make arrangements to discuss the details about the upcoming meal with them in advance. If there is an aspect of the meal you do not feel ready to enjoy, let them know what it is any see if there is a feasible solution. Your therapist or dietitian can also speak with your support person to talk them through options for supporting you before the planned meal. I do this for many of my clients! We all want you to feel supported and successful.

Be honest with yourself about where you are in your recovery. Many times, people make the assumption that their disordered thoughts about food can magically disappear allowing them to kick back and enjoy themselves stress and guilt free. While it may be tempting to challenge yourself, it’s important to be realistic about whether you feel ready. Triggers for eating disorder behavior and unwanted commentary about your portions from family or friends are probably still going to come up. It’s okay! It’s just one day and you can get through it just like any other.

Set healthy boundaries. Speaking of unwanted commentary, it’s a good idea to plan ahead for how to handle the comments that often come up during meals. For example, dad saying things like “isn’t that a lot of food?” Aunt Susan saying, “I can’t believe you’re eating that. I know I’d be worried about getting fat if I ate that stuff.” Of course, these statements are not helpful at all! While you can’t control what others say, you have control over how to respond. One way to prepare for this is by acting out what you may do or say to redirect others in these situations during a session with your therapist. Role plays are a great way to feel more prepared! They allow you to practice how you might respond in a safe, nonthreatening space.

Shift your focus. Spend some time thinking about what makes spending time with family and friends so meaningful and enjoyable for you. One practice that many clients really enjoy is beginning and ending their day with gratitude (See my Anxiety Blog for some ideas). A simple and effective practice you can begin right away is keeping a gratitude journal. Grab a piece of paper and list 10 things, people, or activities you are grateful for, including the reason you are grateful for each.

While social events can bring additional sources of stress, there are definitely ways to manage it effectively. Just remember that regardless of what happens, it is just one day! Remind yourself that one difficult day does not undue all the progress you’ve made in your recovery. Every difficulty presents an opportunity to learn and grow. Go easy on yourself!

If you or someone you know are struggling with disordered eating, I’m here for you! Request a 15-minute free phone consultation today by calling 201-523-4054 or shooting me an email at amy@amyconsovoy.com.    

When Clean Eating Becomes Destructive

The modern version of “clean eating” emerged in the media around 2007.  It was popularized by a Canadian fitness model who claimed that optimal wellness could be attained by avoiding refined, overly processed foods.  While at first glance this sounds like a harmless method of establishing a healthy lifestyle, attempting to avoid certain foods to lose weight can quickly and insidiously become disordered.

When clean eating develops into an extreme means of controlling the food that goes into one’s body, it can develop into a condition called Orthorexia.  Orthorexia is a form of disordered eating that overwhelms the sufferer with obsessive thoughts and behaviors that are all consuming.  These include obsessively reading food labels, avoiding eating foods with certain ingredients (e.g., sugar, refined carbs, non-organic), and intrusive thoughts that consuming certain foods will lead to illness or damaging consequences. The anxiety and social avoidance that this condition creates becomes destructive, because it it makes it impossible to focus on anything else in our lives. 

The physical and emotional dangers of Orthorexia are staggering.  Similar to the health consequences of Anorexia and Bulimia, the ill effects of Orthorexia include malnutrition, kidney failure, problems with cognition, anxiety, increased stress, lowered immune system function, infertility, and heart disease. I know, scary! 

If you think you or someone you love is suffering from Orthorexia, therapy can help!  You don’t have to suffer.  I would love to speak with you today! Call or email me to schedule your free 15 minute phone consultation.  

Please follow the link below to learn more about Orthorexia and ways to identify it:

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/other/orthorexia